User talk:Yamaixxx
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Mariam page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:14, August 1, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:12, August 1, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:47, August 5, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story Once again, I suggest reading the message I wrote on the writer's workshop as you repeated a lot of the same issues (both mechanical and plot-wise). The grammatical, capitalization, and story issues were still there (sometimes even the direct example I gave was left uncorrected). Additionally, you need to make a deletion appeal before attempting to reupload a story. A hint: Making the appeal now with the story in its current form will likely result in the story being denied due to the issues I listed. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:55, August 5, 2016 (UTC) :Starting with the basics, we don't allow re-writes of deleted stories to be posted without approval. Posting one results in an automatic deletion as most authors tend to correct only the mechanical issues and overlook the larger plot issues. Please look over the review I left as it's obvious you've rushed through this and overlooked a lot of issues while only correcting a few. As I'm not going to go through everything all over again, I'll just point out what I noticed and ask you to read over what I posted on your talk page AND on the writer's workshop thread. Unfortunately I'm also too busy at the moment to go too deep into a critique so I'll just provide a few examples of the work that still needs to be put into your story. :Grammar (again): It’s=it is, its=possession. “The morning sun had risen, smoldering me with it's golden warmth.”, “It sat there, legs under itself and it's hands on it's lap.. just like how my sister used to set it.”, “The toy always bugged me, big eyes that seemed to stare into my soul with it's dim honey color.”, “I bent down to reach it and lift the doll by one of it's fragile arms.”, etc. :Capitalization (again): “"Michael, I don't want to go in yet! Mariam said she saw some pretty birds and I want to see them too!" She'd (she'd) exclaimed”, ""Mariam! I think we're lost.. I don't remember where we came from and it's really dark!" her (Her) voice rose with worry and she felt scared.", "Aw! Mariam.. I can't hear them anymore! Do you think there's any more birds?" she (She) looked down to the doll in her arms, giving it a slight shake.”, etc. Here's a reminder After the quotations, if you start a new sentence, the word gets capitalized. If you use a proper noun the sentence gets capitalized. If not, then it's left uncapitalized. New issues: Sentences left uncapitalized. "she repeated herself, to a louder cry this time." :Punctuation: “"She will come back, she will. I know it(punctuation missing)" I reassured myself.”, etc.. Commas missing where a pause is implied. “Bloody hell(comma missing) she's gone!”" :Wording: Awkward wording. "My heart remains in an aching state, I can feel it trying to escape the prison known as my rib cage.". Redundancy. "She expecting her big brother to come save her, continuing to reassure herself that her brother would come to the rescue." :Story issues: A majority of the story issues I pointed out are still in effect here so I'm not going to re-hash them. In the end it feels like you rushed through with proof-reading and didn't spend a lot of time going through the proper channels or reading the site rules. The next time it's reuploaded without approval (even with issues corrected, as authors tend to overlook a lot like you just did), you will be given a lengthy ban. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:16, August 5, 2016 (UTC)